How I would turn my parents into ex-homophobes

My family was watching Obama Revealed on CNN a few nights ago when Don't Ask Don't Tell was mentioned.

My dad: This is what's wrong with America today.

I immediately perked up. I had heard it as "The oppression of the LGBT community is what's wrong with America today". Had he somehow miraculously radically changed his views?? (Yes, sad how much I want it to be true)

Me: What's wrong? (nonchalantly)

My dad: Those people (I don't think he'll ever say the word gay, I don't know if he even knows the term LGBT). Democrats are wrong about them. That's what happens when people become too liberal.

My heart sank. Yeah, no miracle change there. I wonder what in the world  he would do if he found out his daughter was one of "those people"?

Me: What do you mean?

I wanted my dad to say something. Anything. So that I could at least get inside his head and understand what he thought, if not possibly start a discussion. But he just subsided into silence. Great -_-

Anyway, the incident got me thinking. I have this elaborate fantasy in my head where I come out to my parents one day when I'm older and they're eventually okay with it. Sometimes, this fantasy involves me whipping out a guitar and singing This Is Me by Jen Foster to them. (The fact that I don't actually play the guitar is irrelevant)



When I finish singing they hug me and tell me they understand, just like that. I imagine the whole ordeal would be like an instant coffee mix: Instant Acceptance, just add water, or something like that. But yeah, that's a little silly. Real acceptance has to be brewed slowly and painstakingly. (Bad metaphor. Live with it.)

The thing is, I don't believe my parents to be unreasonable. They were just brought up in Indian homes with very conservative values and my dad has his morals deeply rooted in society. I still believe that I can make them understand. Here is my game plan.

Phase 1: Putting the discussion out there

Mostly, I'm going off assumptions about what my parents' views are. They make negative comments here and there, but they're not outspoken homophobes. They're mostly dismissive, as if it's not a real issue. I think if I bring it up in conversation enough, they can't ignore it. I'm wondering if I can throw the phrase "my friend's girlfriend" out there in passing and see if they react. Or mention that my school will be celebrating LGBT history month or something like that.

They need to get the message that LGBT issues are real and important enough to be talked about before they can start examining their own opinions on the subject.

Phase 2: Breaking down the misunderstandings

My parents have been misinformed by a homophobic society all their lives. They have been told: Homosexuality is a lifestyle choice. Homosexuality is unnatural. Marriage is between a man and a woman.

Misunderstandings like these lead to fear and hate.
And the first step to breaking that chain is by fixing the misunderstanding.

I would give my parents the real information. Correcting them when they make a false statement. Pointing them to the biological evidence, the personal stories, and the real people.

And I think "I have friends that are gay" should just about cover the explanation as to why I actually know so much... right? :)

Phase 3: Coming out when I need to

The reason I can't come out to my parents now, or even in college, is because my parents' views on dating and marriage are very traditional. My parents had an arranged marriage and I don't think they are very open to the idea of dating. Even if I was straight, finding my soulmate would have been something of a struggle. Throw some gayness in the mix and voila! - You have a really complicated situation.

Anyway, I think the opportune time to come out will hit when my parents start talking to me about marriage. My mom has told me that when I'm at "the right age" and I'm not interested in a guy yet, she'll start looking for a suitable husband for me.

At this point, my parents will hopefully no longer be misinformed. They will accept that some people are attracted to the same sex. They will know and care about some of these people.

When I tell them, I know they'll be shocked. I know they'll be emotional and angry, but they're my parents - they love me. And I love them. I understand that it may be a painful experience for them as much as it will be for me. It can't be easy to have your hopes and dreams for your child's future destroyed. Hopefully, however, because I will have already helped them understand, the revelation won't be bad enough to get me disowned.

There may even be the slightest hope for that mushy guitar moment after all...